Being real....Heart Sick and Sadness

This blog entry is real. This blog entry is all about my emotions and fears.  I think I mentioned before that when I first found out I was pregnant it seemed like everyone I spoke to or was friends with on FB was expecting a baby in September.  Within a week of me finding out I was pregnant I learned of  four very close friends pregnant and due within weeks of each other.  We were all so excited.  One of my friends is in St. Louis so we text back and forth about our doctors appointments and such. Becki I am so excited for you guys!  Mel is my other friend that is preggo and we talk on the phone at least once a day to check on each other. 

My two other friends from church who I am really close with as well were also expecting in September.  We were so giddy to walk down this journey together. The three of us from church all had OB appointments on the same day. As each of us where done at the appointment we would text and give the other one the news.  Until the last appointment when my girlfriend texted that her baby did not have a heartbeat.  I was shocked. Overcome with emotion and devastated.  I quickly remembered my OB's words of advice when I went to my five week appointment. I told my doctor that a lot of my really good girlfriends were expecting in Sept. She said, "don't get too excited yet....one in four pregnancies end in miscarriage."  I thought...not us.  Well sure enough my girlfriend lost her baby.  It was so hard to express the pain that I was feeling for her and her family.  I am still praying for them daily because I know the emotion and pain doesn't go away.  So then about 5 weeks later my dear, dear friend Julie texted me asking for prayer.  She was going to see her OB the next day for emergency symptoms.  I just knew that she and the baby were going to be fine but I still prayed and prayed.  She texted me from the ultrasound and said the baby passed away.  Our due dates were three days apart.  I was in shock. I wanted to scream. I know that God has a plan and I was going to praise Him in their storm but it just did not seem fair.  Because of my pregnancy sickness, and the awful antinausea medicines they put me on I could not drive or function like I was used to.  I slept a lot and laid on the couch with my bucket.  After Julie lost her baby I felt at my lowest of lows.  I was so sad for them. I was worried about our baby....which seems really selfish.  I was frustrated.

Since both of my girlfriends lost there babies within two weeks of each other they were totally able to lean on each other.  God had a plan.  He still does.  With that said it does not make the pain and sadness go away.  I thought about not blogging about this pregnancy.  I would never want to hurt my girlfriends who lost their babies or who have been trying to have a baby forever or who are waiting on a child in a foreign country.  I sure would not want to rub my happiness and baby in their faces.  Then I prayed.  God doesn't want me to forget about the blessing that I am carrying inside me.  God wants me to celebrate our gift of life.  God wants me to lift up my dear friends in prayer and encourage them.  Since then I have had lengthy conversations with my girlfriends who lost their babies.  They are so encouraging to me.  I am so glad that God gave me such amazing friends that I can share anything with. 

For whatever reason I really felt like I needed to include this in my blog.  Things are not always rosy, good, or perfect.  It's hard to put true feelings, raw emotions, and sad situations on the blog because I want it to be happy.  However life is not always happy.  Thanks for listening.  Please be praying for my friends who are longing for a child.